I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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