I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
