Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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