worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
