She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
