Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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