he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
either way he was missing a nipple.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
