oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
