I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
