OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
