Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
