Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
