Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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