Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
