he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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