So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
