so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
