I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
where am i from again
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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