He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
