super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
