We're like a lot better than the average bears
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
