i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
