Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
