I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
