ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
