I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
