Your dad touched me again.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
