Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
