Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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