Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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