After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
