Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm always down for nudity.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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