Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
