We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Alive.
So much puke
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
