Your mouth is God's brothel.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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