i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
