I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
