Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
