The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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