I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is Oprah even human
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
