I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
