First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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