woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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