You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
