Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
