In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
