remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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