Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
