i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
no you cant smoke seaweed
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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