Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
