I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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