it wasn't lemon gatorade
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
